We’ve all been there- scrolling through Facebook when you see a post from one of your mom friends about their latest craft project, or how well behaved their kiddos were in church today, or how motherhood is a constant bundle of sunshine and roses. And you can’t help but feel a tiny gut punch. Immediately, thoughts like “how do they have time for that stuff,” or “why won’t my little one behave like that,” or even “why is this mom thing so easy for her while I’m over here s.t.r.u.g.g.l.i.n.g.?” creep into our minds before we can stop them.
As it happens, I’ve recently found myself on the other side of that situation. A couple nights ago I posted some pictures of a few items I monogrammed for my daughter before her first day of daycare on Facebook. Now if you know anything about me, you know that I absolutely love crafting. And I haven’t been able to do anything crafty for a loooong time. So I was feeling pretty excited about it! Plus, crafting is my go to self care activity and one I don't make enough time for… but that's a conversation for another day.
Anyway, the next day, I got a few texts from friends to the effect of “your post makes me feel like I’m totally failing at this mom thing,” and “I’m lucky if I get my kid to daycare wearing semi-matching clothes let alone with personalized water cups.”
Now these comments were not meant to be malicious toward me, but what I was reading was basically “you clearly have it all together while I’m over here barely getting by.” But this could not be further from the truth!
The truth is, I feel like I’m barely getting by. I’m currently a long-distance wife and effectively a single parent as my husband is serving our country in the military. I’ve got a very active (albeit adorable) toddler and am six months pregnant with our second.
Oh, and guess how many times I’ve worked out this pregnancy? Exactly zero. Whenever I plan to, I invariably end up binge watching the Bachelor instead or falling asleep on the rocker in my daughter’s room at 8:30pm from “just a few more snuggles” only to wake up with a kinked neck and sore back 4 hours later.
But it’s ok because I eat healthy, right? Wrong again. While I do TRY to eat healthy, balanced meals, the truth is we ate Taco Bell for dinner last night. And we’ve had pizza more times this month than I’d care to admit.
I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days (thank goodness for my nontoxic hair products– I don’t even have to use dry shampoo) {by the way that’s technically an affiliate link- please read my full disclosure policy here!} and I haven’t had it cut in over 6 months because I feel like I just don’t have time. And when I do have time, I feel guilty for spending it alone instead of with my daughter or getting stuff done around the house.
I have had one good night’s sleep in the past 17 months. Yes, you read that right- one. My toddler still doesn’t reliably sleep through the night and on the rare occasions she does, I’m often up to the bathroom due to the other little one kicking my bladder.
I started a new job a few months ago with a steep learning curve & a significantly larger portion of time spent away from home. Because of this, I’ve enrolled our daughter into daycare for the first time in her life. And let me tell you- I felt 100% of the mom guilt when she screamed her head off as I was leaving on her first day. (And her second day… and probably many more to come.)
So you see, I, in fact, do NOT have it all together. Do I feel like I’m living my best life? Not even close. To be honest, most days I feel like I’m letting everyone down, including myself. And I spend way too much time beating myself up over my seeming inability to be all things to all people or to even do any one thing well.
But when it comes down to it and when I stop to take a moment to reflect on it, I know that those are all lies straight from the devil himself. And in these difficult seasons of life it’s easy to start believing them without even realizing it.
So here is some truth. No matter what life has you going through right now, you CAN do it. You WILL weather this storm. There will be hard times still ahead but there will also be joyful times! Oh and even when you feel physically isolated, you actually don’t have to do it alone!
“Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Don't forget that you can rely on God. Talk to Him throughout your day- tell Him how you are struggling and ask Him to help you through it! You may be surprised by the ways He will bless your life with this simple request.
And not only is God in your corner, but your fellow moms are too! These days it can be so hard to connect with other moms physically when we are working, coordinating kids' schedules, and just trying to survive. But it can be so helpful to have some mom friends that you can connect with even if it's only online or through text. And if you feel like you don't have anyone like this, try finding a moms group on Facebook if you can't make it to a moms group that meets “in real life.”
So momma, next time you are scrolling through your news feed, pause for a moment. Don’t look at a snapshot in someone else’s life and think that they’ve figured out some secret to success that’s just out of your reach because the reality of it is we’re all struggling.
We're all struggling. So let's support each other!
Instead of seeing these positive moments shared on social media as brag flags or reasons to feel like we are less than, we should be celebrating the small victories shared by our fellow mom warriors! After all, this whole mom thing isn’t easy and we all need all of the support we can get!
So let’s continue to encourage each other and build each other up. Reach out to someone with a simple comment, a kind word, or an exclamation of solidarity- you never know how much they could be needing it!
And when the negativity, resentment, and lies build up inside, remember: you are a strong, amazing woman. You’re doing a great job. And your family and friends are so lucky to have you in their lives! So don’t give up, keep on keeping on, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
P.S. I'd love to connect with you and keep the conversation going! Join me at connect.sparklewithgrace.com
